Alfredo my arse...

Pasta with White Wine Cream Sauce

Is it just me or does Alfredo sound like the name of an old, fat black man rocking on his porch swing humming Bible hymns? Maybe I knew someone in a past life who fits this description.  Hell, maybe I was a fat, black man named Alfredo.  Anyway, Alfredo sauce is boring.  

And you want to know what else is boring? Marinara sauce from a jar.  I mean, don't get me wrong, Classico has gotten me through some rough times, but aren't you just a little bit tired of the same old same old pasta?

Yeah, thought so. (Notice I give you no time to actually answer.)

Get your bottle of wine and let's start cookin'.

I chose this one. It's pretty cheap, and Sauvingnon Blanc has treated me exceptionally well lately in cooking and recreational sipping.  Leave yourself about a half a cup for this recipe.

First and foremost, I'm going to teach you how to dice an onion.  This is something that the Pioneer Woman taught me.  I don't know what I did before she imparted her skillz on me via-blog.  Anyway, begin by slicing your onion length-wise. Hot-dog way, you know? Not hamburger way.

Alright, now lay it on its belly and chop off its feet and toes.

Now peel of the outer layer... you should be able to get a thin membrane and not an entire layer. Like Goldmember, put it in the skinbox.

Now, slice the onion into little strips, leaving one end intact to keep it all together.

Isn't this shot just lovely? I feel like a real-good photographer.  Slice your onion down the side and watch the little sections flake right off.

See?

Look! You just diced yer-self an onion!

Oh-ma-gawd. Doesn't everything just look better with my brand new honkin' diamond??

But anyway, I digress.  Melt over medium-high heat 3 Tablespoons of butter and 4 Tablespoons of olive oil in a pan, or a wok...whatever suits you.  See--more olive oil than butter. Healthy fat! I'm all about health, you'll see! This recipe is "low-fat," I swear. Honestly though, don't decrease the amount of butter because it's part of what makes the sauce thicken when it cools.  Ooh, it's so BUBBLY and oily and deliciosoooo.

Dump your onion in, with a few Tablespoons of garlic.  And I hereby retract what I said a few posts ago about jarred garlic.  I said it because jarred garlic is simply more convenient than buying garlic cloves.  Of course, fresh is always better!  Cook the onion and garlic in the butter and olive oil until it browns, like here!

Alright, I was going to go on a huge lesson about Romano cheese and how it's made from sheep's milk and so even bloaty, farty, lactose-intolerant people like Christa Wagner and Brittany Hagan can consume it without intestinal issues.  But, on closer inspection of this picture, I see that this particular block of Romano cheese is made with cow's milk.  Sonofabitch.  Nonetheless, shred 1/2 to 3/4 cup of the stuff.

If you're lazy, a cylinder of Kraft parmesan works fine, I GUESS.

Remember the saute-ing glory on your stove? Well, take your half cup of wine--I trust you've controlled yourself enough to preserve that much--and pour it into that therre skillet.  It'll sizzle and pop a little bit, and I swear to our sweet lord baby Jesus 8 pounds 4 ounces that this combination will emit the most fantastic smell ever.  Smell dat shit, son.

Once you're done taking the train to nasal-pleasuretown, go ahead and dump 1 cup of heavy cream into the pan...

...and stir it up real nice.

Then dump your cheese into it, and stir that too.  Here is the point where you'd also add chopped fresh basil, but I forgot to buy basil at the store, so...figure it out yourself. 

Here is the pasta I chose to use. Doesn't it sound just decadent? OHHHH, gluten-free!

Gratuitous self-serving digression: This is going to be dessert.  Notice how it's sandwiched between frozen vegetables? I think it cancels the empty-calorie factor of the Ben&Jerry's out. Right? And look at Willie Nelson! How cuuuuuute! Anyway, grab some frozen veggies if you don't have fresh ones.

Make a mini-steamer with a bowl and a strainer.  Fill the bowl with a little water, but not enough to reach the bottom of the strainer when you balance it on top.

Put dem veggies in there, and pop it in the microwave for a few minutes.  You're on your own here about how long to put it in.  Just go for a minute each time, I suppose, and check it.

I assume you all know how to make pasta.  Boil it, strain it, and, for this recipe, rinse it.  Then pour it into the delicious, creamy, fantastically fantastical sauce you have just created.

Now, toast some bread and (Pap)smear it with olive oil, minced garlic, mozzarella cheese, and some dried basil or Italian seasoning.  Broil it.  Watch it the whole time.  I burn bread a lot.  Damn broiler is outta control.

When your vegetables are ready, place them on top of the pasta, sprinkle with some more cheese, and VOILA! Your first Sophi-dish is made!  You can also adorn this bad boy with chicken or shrimp or ham or whatever you please...

...like I did here.  I made this for Zach on the evening of February 15, 2008.  He proposed the next day.  Coincidence?

...I think NOT!

Pasta with White Wine Cream Sauce 

Ingredients

One small white onion -or- One-half large white onion

A few Tablespoons of minced garlic (judging on your garlic tendencies)

1/2 cup white wine

1 cup heavy cream

3 Tablespoons butter

4 Tablespoons (1/4 cup) olive oil

Parmesan or Romano (or Asiago...) cheese

1 normal sized package of whatever pasta you like (the bottom photo is made with basil fettucine)

Basil (not pictured...sorry guys)

Vegetables for topping (broccoli, peas, etc.)

Meat, if you'd like. Baked or sauteed or roasted or toasted or whatever.

Oh yeah, and Ben&Jerry's for dessert. Duh.