PIZZA. Pizza, pizza, pizza! PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homemade Pizza

(Wheat Crust. Buffalo Chicken and BBQ Chicken.)

Sweet JESUS, is there anyone out there that doesn't LOVE pizza?

Please stand up, and I shall scorn you by throwing toppings at your face and insulting your mother. AND your grandmother. And your children, if you have any--be they illegitimate or not, I shall call them bastards. That's how much of a freak you are if you dislike pizza.

I like to make pizza homemade. Not because Edwardo's, the pizzeria we live above, is unsatisfactory in any sense, but because I can do. what. I. WANT. to it.

Let's begin.

Dissolve 1 pkg. (which is about 2 1/2 teaspoons) of yeast in lukewarm water.

I like to warm the bowl a bit first, because if it's cold when the water hits it, the water cools and the yeast won't activate as well.  Another option is to dissolve the yeast in a glass measuring cup and then pour it in. You may have this freedom.

Stir in 2 T. olive oil and 1 T. honey.  Call me a weirdo, but there is something unmistakably intoxicating about this flavor combo. I threw in some herbs here, too. Probably basil.  And a shake of garlic powder.  And 1 cup white flour.

Next, mix in 1 1/2 cups wheat flour. Or, just more white flour. I like multi-grain EVERYTHING, though. Then, allow your feline companion to mix until elastic-y. Then knead, knead, knead. Get your anger out.

The great thing about this dough is that it hardly takes any time to rise. Here it is after 5 min.

And about 20.  Don't worry if yours doesn't puff up this much. This was a lucky batch. If it rises only a little bit, you're probably fine.

PUNCH IT DOWN! Cooking with yeast is so therapeutic!

Now, drizzle some more olive oil over the top of the dough-ball.  Then turn it over and roll it around and cover it in the remaining oil. Like that time your friend-of-a-friend vomited vodka and hotdogs at the lake and you had to clean her up after she essentially rolled around in it and smeared it on the gorgeous, expensive wallpaper.

Drunk girl is to vomit what pizza dough is to olive oil.

Now that you have that visual, and hopefully can feel my pain, squeeze and mold and flatten your dough onto a greased (with olive oil, der...) pan.  I doubled the recipe, so I got enough dough for two. Don't beat yourself up over this.

Now, you can top the pizzas however you like! Andy and I have an affinity for BBQ and Buffalo chicken, so I pizza-ed accordingly.

First, I cut the chicken into small-ish pieces and baked--with a touch of olive oil, garlic salt, and pepper--at 350 until they were cooked all the way through.

This is all the way through. No pink. All white. We're not fucking cavemen.

Chop the chicken finely.

Smear some BBQ sauce (Sweet Baby Ray's, if you know ANYTHING!) on your un-baked crust, and scrawl the initials of your sophomoric cooking blog in it.

Now, here's a trick I learned when I worked at a pizza place for a month. (Mancino's Pizza & Grinders, Fort Wayne, IN...Yesssss!) On top of your chosen sauce, before you add any toppings, sprinkle a layer of cheese. This helps the toppings to stay in place and not slide off.

So, for the BBQ chicken pizza, I did a layer of BBQ sauce, a layer of cheese (mozzarella and cheddar), the chicken (actually, half of this is crumbled tofu*), some pineapple tidbits, and another layer of cheese.  In retrospect, I should have added some crushed red pepper. Live and learn.

And now for  the Buffalo pizza! First, make my Buffalo Chicken Sauce, using less butter so it isn't as greasy or runny. And spicier. Smear that on the pizza. Follow with a sprinkle of mozzarella cheese, then some sliced garlic, diced jalapeno (if you can handle the truth), diced red pepper, and diced celery. The celery is crucial here. MMM mm mm!

Follow with your protein, chicken on one half...

...tofu on the other!

SMOTHER with blue cheese, using mozzarella to fill in the cracks.  Sprinkle some dried basil or parsley on the top if you want, but it really doesn't need it with all the flavor you'll have goin' on.

BAKE THE PIZZA(S) AT 450 DEGREES FOR ABOUT 12 MINUTES.

My BBQ roommate, Nick, probably got to the BBQ before I could take a picture, but the Buffalo remained unscathed long enough for its photo op.

OY! PERFECT!

Andy's looks excited.  He literally salivates when he thinks about Frank's Red Hot.

Add more hot sauce to the top, if you're like us.  Or, if you're not like us, and you're a big baby, just order a pizza, spend a bunch of money, and have no feelings of pride in the end.

Love,

Sophia

*As for the crumbled tofu, my friend Amanda taught me this. Stick your tofu in the freezer for, eh, half an hour before using it. Then it will crumble nicely. Tofu should be firm or extra-firm.