"It's when you fart in bed, and quickly pull the covers over your partner's head."

You wanna know what I want?

A DUTCH OVEN.

The Pioneer Woman seems to be cooking with hers a lot lately, and I often feel pangs of jealousy.

There is another kind of Dutch Oven, however, that I can frequently claim as my own.  At about 5 1/2 minutes into this clip from the John Water's movie Pecker, one becomes privy to the alternate definition of "Dutch Oven."  This is the kind of Dutch Oven I unwillingly get (and--willingly, cruelly--give, especially after roasted garlic) on a fairly regular basis.

I want not one, but BOTH kinds of Dutch Oven in my life.