Also...

I have started another blog, which chronicles things having to do with my writing.

That can be found at http://sophiaulmer.blogspot.com.

Happy reading!

"It's when you fart in bed, and quickly pull the covers over your partner's head."

You wanna know what I want?

A DUTCH OVEN.

The Pioneer Woman seems to be cooking with hers a lot lately, and I often feel pangs of jealousy.

There is another kind of Dutch Oven, however, that I can frequently claim as my own.  At about 5 1/2 minutes into this clip from the John Water's movie Pecker, one becomes privy to the alternate definition of "Dutch Oven."  This is the kind of Dutch Oven I unwillingly get (and--willingly, cruelly--give, especially after roasted garlic) on a fairly regular basis.

I want not one, but BOTH kinds of Dutch Oven in my life.

Chocolate Chip Cookies, plain and simple

...and perfect

Ahoy! Yonder! What is that...in the brush?

Ah HA! The cookie jar!

And what is inside...?

Ahh, the fruitful product of Sophi and Andy baking to-geh-ver.

Andy is one of the people who* keeps me grounded, culinarily-speaking. 

I suggested some orange zest; he said no.

What about cocoa powder? "No."

But whyyyyyy? I whined.

"Because," he answered, "less is more."

Here is what we did:

Andy sifted

3/4 cup flour

1/4 cup oats

1/4 t. baking powder

3/4 t. salt

Sophia creamed**

1 stick butter

3/4 cup turbinado sugar***

1 T. vanilla

1 egg

We mixed the two bowls together and added 10 oz.**** of chocolate chips.

I'd have added pecans if there were any around.

Then, he had to jet off to a screening at his fancy-schmancy film school.

So, I baked some large cookies on a greased cookie sheet at 325 degrees for 12 minutes.

And some small ones for 9 minutes.

 It's important to not over-bake the cookies. Take them out BEFORE you think they're done.

They'll be gooey on top. But when they cool, they'll firm up and just be super moist. 

Seriously, TRY to not make deez cookiez.

See the OOZING chocolate?!

"Shee-it."

*I am going to miss the absolute most when I move from Chicago.

**Her jeans...nyuk nyuk nyuk!

***Or you could do 1/2 brown, 1/4 white (I know someone like that...)

****He wanted 8 oz., I wanted 12 oz. As roommates, we have learned the art of compromise.

COCONUT ON MY BROWNIES CO-CO-COCONUT ON MY BROWNIES

Holy Crikey Jigga Jigga WHAA

I just made MY BROWNIES for my last Form & Theory of Nonfiction class.

I didn't have any bourbon, and this is a bourb-lovin' bunch.  To compensate for this, I, over medium-low to medium heat, melted 1/4 stick of butter and added 1/4 cup honey and 1/2 cup coconut.  I let it brown--so the coconut is toasted and the honey is caramelized.

I put a spoonful of it on top of each little brownie (which I made in a miniature cupcake pan) in place of the bourbon caramel.

Then I tasted it.  Then I female ejaculated.

GO TRY IT, NOW. You'll probably never forgive yourself if you don't.

You'll also never forgive yourself if you do, because you'll be a full-fledged, card-carrying, rehab-bound addict.